What Is Your Trauma Shaped Like

from by Joe Bartel

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lyrics

I wish my parents hadn't cut off part of my dick when I was a baby. I wasn't born incorrectly. And I wish they hadn't hit me in the face when I was only nine or ten, but they did, and I forgive them. And I wish that rush hour bridge had not collapsed into that river cold and black on that sunny summer evening. And that school bus full of sixty screaming children. I wonder if they're traumatized, I wonder if their brains are fucked up or alright. I don't wanna think these evil thoughts for my whole life, but I can't escape this feeling they'll be back for me tonight and I won't sleep. I saw a drunk guy passed out in the snow, but I had to go to work, so I did not stop to help him. I just called the non-emergency police line, I hope they got to him in time, it was only ten degrees outside. You're looking at your life through Facebook lenses, just pretending to be happy, just pretending to be real. And I think about that drunk guy every night. Why can't I be a good person, not even when I really really try? I don't wanna think these evil thoughts for my whole life, but I can't escape this feeling they'll be back for me tonight. I just want to be loved, I just want to be free, but something isn't right inside of me. I just want to be loved, I just want to be free, but something took the light inside of me.

credits

from ARE YOU EVEN NICE, released November 11, 2016

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Joe Bartel Minneapolis, Minnesota

Stateless Minneapolitan.
Bedroom musician. Well poisoner.

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